Q: How many radical feminists does it take to change a tire?
A: A man, because apparently a fish does need a bicycle.
A rodeo clown in Missouri who made fun of King Barack the Thin-Skinned has been banned for life from performing in Missouri.
Really? What was that dusty old First-Something-Or-Other we used to believe in?
Oh yeah. First Amendment. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Here’s my two cents. Barack (Barry) Hussein (Soetoro) Obama is a pusillanimous pisspot, a narcissicistic child, a tinpot dictator with delusions of godhood (h/t Star Trek, The Original Series; episode: The Trouble With Tribbles), an incompetent Peter Principle putz, an Affirmative Action asswipe with no discernible talent other than persuading guilty white liberals to feel good about themselves by voting the decline of the United States into actual fact.
Is that enough to get me banned for life?
Damn, it’s hard to get the attention of the Elites™.
Fuck you Barry and the donkey (ass) you rode into town on.
Support Tuffy Gesling!
While pondering some of the cognitively dissonant aspects of my own personality (and having nothing to do this evening), I came up with:
THE ENLIGHTENED REDNECK TEST
The Enlightened Redneck is one who can move equally easily in elitist, bi-coastal circles or at a rural down-home barbeque.
This “test” considers attributes that are commonly considered “enlightened” – those in category (1) – and those considered “redneck” – those in category (2). For each question, give yourself one point for either category (1) or (2), or both, and total them for each category. If the totals of the two categories are more than five points apart, then the Enlightened Redneck is out of balance, and needs to channel his or her inner aesthete (if too high in the (2) category), or go outdoors and do some huntin’ (if too high in the (1) category). Take the test …
Forget all the pundits (including yours truly) trying to square the circle on Roberts’ convoluted reasoning. Iowahawk has it clearly spelled out for you right here:
Only Chuck Norris can help Obama win in November.
Unfortunately, Chuck Norris thinks Obama is an asshole.
Yeah, that’s not “I pulled a groin muscle” funny, but it is funny in a transgressive, hipster, “I don’t care if it’s funny” kind of way.
Why did Obama cross the road in January 2013?
Because he was stapled to the chicken. And because he got his ass kicked at the polls the previous November. But mostly because he got his ass kicked at the polls.
This falls in the category of “surreal, sort-of funny, but REALLY funny if you are hanging around with buds on the weekend stoned to the gills.”