And what better way to deliver the message than to purchase a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport, a 16-cylinder, 4 fuel pump, 1200 hp monster that – at 268 MPH – is the world’s fastest production car. That engine produces more than five times the horsepower (and double the speed) of some airplanes I have flown.
Price? $2.5 to $3 million per. Chump change. I meant what I said literally – you should simply purchase one – because only someone who is clinically insane will actually try to drive this car the way it can be driven. To paraphrase Alec Baldwin in the famous “Coffee Is For Closers” speech from Glengarry Glen Ross: “It’s sitting out there waiting for you to drive it. Are you going to drive it? Are you man enough to drive it?”
Oh, and this version is an upgrade from the original Veyron, which could only muster 253 MPH. That car was for pussies; this one goes faster, so it’s for real men.
Gas mileage? Who knows and who fucking cares? If it doesn’t get shittier fuel economy than an M-1 Abrams tank (approx. 1 gallon per mile, and 10 gallons just to start it up), I’d be disappointed and demand my money back.
The only way to savor this in-your-face-insult to the “smaller is better, America uses more than its share of the world’s resources” crowd is to drive it with a lead foot, a deep pocket (for the inevitable scorching fines for speeding), and puffing on a massive Churchillian-solid fuel rocket booster-smokestack of a cigar: the inimitable Arturo Fuentes Opus X Aged Selection ($149.95 at Cigar.com). Well, you could then drive by a Greenpeace rally and show off your insensitivity. That would be pretty cool.
Light the fires, kick the tires, and speed off into immortality…