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Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

Meat Parade

Friday, November 15th, 2013

– Wiccapundit

Jeez, it appears that every organization established for honoring actual achievement has become what George C. Scott referred to the Oscars™ as: “a meat parade.”

Exhibit 1:

Yep.  Fucking Al Gore.   For that Global Warming Scam that he’s made beaucoup bank off of.

Exhibit # 2:

Some current nominees for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame:

Yes, Deep Purple, and Link Wray (the inventor of the fuckin’ POWER CHORD, the cornerstone of rock guitar), which means these artists are currently NOT in the Hall of Fame.

Some past inductees:

Ahmet Ertegun (Founder of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.   Ohhh, I get it.)

Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five (I yield to no one in my enjoyment of “The Message,” GF&TFF’s seminal rap hit.  But …, they are a rap groupRap.   Should Led Zeppelin be nominated for a Rap Industry Award?  In 2007, Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner used a technicality on the vote dating procedure to deny induction to The Dave Clark Five, because he felt the Hall couldn’t go another year without inducting a rap act.  Starting to see how things work here?)

Madonna (Oh for fuck’s sake.)

Bill Monroe (I loves me some Bill Monroe, but he was a bluegrass player, not a rock n’ roller, despite being called an “Early Influence”™ by the Hall of Fame panjandrums.)

Jelly Roll Morton (Seriously?  The self-proclaimed inventor of jazz?)

Notables who are NOT in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame:

Chicago (A rock band with a horn section, with a guitarist  – Terry Kath – that Jimi Hendrix considered way better than himself.  Think about that for a moment.)

Grand Funk Railroad (WTF?  Can you say The Red Album, people?  The group that sold out Shea Stadium quicker than the Beatles did?  You’re killing me here.)

Iron Butterfly (In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby.  Who didn’t get stoned in the 70’s listening to this?)

Robin Trower (Too Rolling Stoned, Bridge of Sighs, and on and on … .)

I’m done with all this.  Any organization that would give me an award is not one I respect enough to accept an award from.

The Sex Pistols refused to attend when inducted, calling the museum “a piss stain.” That’s the rock n’ roll attitude, my friends.

Madonna. Sheesh.

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Gallery of the Intrepid: WTF? Edition

Tuesday, April 9th, 2013

– Wiccapundit

To thank everyone for sticking around to see if we still existed, I promised some actual, mmm, CONTENT.  This one sorta blew my mind:

Evelyn Glennie is a Scottish virtuosa percussionist.  Royal Academy of Music grad?  Check.  Grammy Award winner?  Check.  Regular extensive world tours with orchestras and collaborations with musicians ranging from Bjork to Bobby McFerrin?  Check.  Performed on Sesame Street and at the Olympic Games?  Check.   Deaf as a post?  Check.  Wait, what?

Hearing?  I don’t need no stinkin’ hearing to be a professional musician.

Glennie began to lose her hearing at age 8, and by age 12, was profoundly deaf.  You’d think that hearing would be the one thing necessary for a professional musician.  Nah, not so much.  She often performs barefoot, and feels the music through her whole body.

Here is an interesting TED talk where she plays and talks about how to really listen to music:

Moral of the story?  Don’t let anything stop you from doing what you want to do.   Deaf?  Be a musician.  Worked for Beethoven.

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Warning: Don’t fuck with the ballet dancers.

Friday, January 18th, 2013

– Wiccapundit

Who knew that West Side Story was actually correct?   That dancing gang members like the Sharks and the Jets were more dangerous than the Crips and the Bloods?

From Russia comes news that the Artistic Director of the famed Bolshoi Theatre was being treated for serious burns to his face and possible loss of his eyesight after a masked man threw acid in his face as he walked home late one night in Moscow.  Why?

The BBC’s Steve Rosenberg in Moscow says it is suspected that he was the victim of infighting and rows between different groups of dancers at the Bolshoi.

The theatre’s executive director, Anatoly Iksanov, told Russian television that Mr Filin was “uncompromising” in his management style.

“If he thought a performer was unready to play a certain role, or incapable of it, he would not let the performer do it,” he said.

Artistic Director:  “You are not ready to dance this role.”

Dancer: “Fine.  I will KEEL you!”

I will never look at ballet the same way again.

 

 

(h/t Ace of Spades)

 

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“PSY” is Korean for “jackass”

Sunday, December 9th, 2012

– Wiccapundit

The seemingly soft and unthreatening Korean K-pop rapper PSY, who has gotten millions of people to dance in a stupid fashion to his catchy “song” Gangnam Style, is actually virulently anti-American, as evidenced by the lyrics to a song by South Korean rock band N.E.X.T. that he sang in a 2004 concert:

Kill those fucking Yankees who have been torturing Iraqi captives

Kill those fucking Yankees who ordered them to torture

Kill their daughters, mothers, daughters-in-law and fathers

Kill them all slowly and painfully

He is, of course, trying to sanitize his past history in order to enjoy the fruits of his current world adulation.  One sign of the impending Apocalypse?  That over 900,000,000 million views of his video have been recorded on YouTube.  Compare: the 1958 performance of Beethoven’s masterful Ninth Symphony, performed by the Berlin Philharmonic under the direction of Herbert von Karajan (the gold standard for this piece) and including an in-her-prime Leontyne Price singing soprano: 59,000 views.  Seriously? WTF?

Hey PSY, here’s a little statistic for you: over 33,000 “fucking Yankee” soldiers died to prevent the country you were born in from becoming the same Marxist “People’s” shithole that North Korea has become.  This happened before you were even a randy gleam in your daddy’s eye, which you seem not to know as apparently you have never studied Korean history.  Had Americans not died to protect the sovereignty of South Korea, you would have grown up in a regime that has created such widespread starvation among its people that malnutrition has caused the average North Korean to be between 1 and 3 inches shorter than the average South Korean.  In the late 1990’s, North Korea experienced a famine that caused upwards of 3,500,000 people to die of starvation, out of a population of about 22 million.  When 15% of your population dies from state-induced lack of food, what do you do?  Why, you give it a pithy name: “the Arduous March.”  Man, those Commies have a catchy phrase for everything.

If you had grown up under conditions like those that exist today in North Korea, you would not be “rapping” for a high-bling living, you would be laboring in a prison camp and eating your stolen pork raw so the guards wouldn’t catch you cooking it and beat the crap out of you.  Your fame consists entirely of creating a catchy song paired with a silly dance, which makes you something of a one-hit wonder.   Even the Hokey Pokey (which by the way was written in 1857) is a catchy song with a silly dance.  People are still singing and performing that song and dance today.  Do you think anyone will be doing the Gangnam Style dance in six months?  Can you say “Hey, Macarena?”

Bonus add-on:  President Obama and Michelle, despite the controversy over PSY’s ugly past, will nonetheless still attend his Christmas performance.  The President had a great opportunity to engage in a Clintonesque “Sister Souljah” moment, demonstrating his leadership qualities and racking up some props even from conservative commentators, who would have undoubtedly (if grudgingly) given him a thumbs-up for doing the right thing and distancing himself from anti-American sentiment.  That was a high-hanging PR curveball and the President completely whiffed it.  But he is, after all, The Smartest President EVAH.™

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“All The President’s Men” – the Reboot

Friday, September 28th, 2012

– Wiccapundit

If this movie was remade using today’s Lamestream Media, it would be the shortest remake in the history of film:

FADE IN:

(Scene in the newsroom of the Washington Post)

Woodward:  “Do you want to check out this burglary at the DNC headquarters at the Watergate complex?”

Bernstein:  “Nah.  Nobody would be interested in reading about that.  Let’s go get a beer.”

FADE OUT

Just where the hell is the Fourth Estate on the Libyan fiasco and administration coverup?

Bueller?  Bueller?

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Gallery of the Intrepid – He can rebuild himself; he has the technology Edition.

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

– Wiccapundit

Government health care?  I don’t need no stinkin’ government health care.  So what if I got my arms blown off?  I’ll just build myself my own bionic arms.

Yep, that’s what Sun Jifa of northern China did, after the accident that took both of his arms off (a blast-fishing accident with a homemade bomb that prematurely exploded – WTF!!).  He couldn’t afford the prosthetic limbs that the hospital offered, so he built his own.  How exactly does one do that?  Don’t you need arms to build arms?  Whatev.  No prob.  Oh, and he made them from scrap metal for practically nothing.

You keep using that word “disabled.”  I do not think it means what you think it means.

Oh, and President Obama?  He DID build that.  And, he’s building them for others, as well.

Any chance we could get him to emigrate here and serve as Secretary of Health and Human Services?

(h/t Captain Capitalism)

 

 

 

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Seriously? Seriously?

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

– Wiccapundit

Your Wiccapundit loves him some show tunes.  South Pacific, My Fair Lady, Guys and Dolls, and of more recent vintage The Will Rogers Follies (with lyrics by Betty Comden and Adolph Green, who wrote the lyrics to Guys and Dolls).  But I hates me some truly amateurish community college theater major-bush league-municipal theater company attempt at being both politically relevant and off-off-off Broadway at the same time.   That, of course, would be One Term More, a website devoted to getting Obama the second term he so richly deserves, and the “musical” production found at the site.

This has to be the most wretched example of Lefty propaganda ever to see the light of day.  (click on the link, as the video can’t be embedded).  Watch it, if you can.  Watch it, if you dare.  If you can make it through the entire 6:12, you are capable of withstanding a waterboarding personally administered by Dick Cheney.

One Term More

Seriously, we are into territory that makes Plan Nine From Outer Space look like Oscar-worthy material.  I note that the title is One Term More, rather than One More Term.  I suppose that this was deliberate in order to provide more rhyming opportunities for the Thesaurusly-challenged librettist responsible for gems like this:

This man who would unseat Barack’s
A bleak choice at the ballot box.

Really?  You rhymed “Barack’s” with “box?”  I never would have seen that.  I guess that’s why you make your living at this kind of work.

Filibusters. Budget scrums.
Ultrasounds & speculums.
To the Dark Side they’ve succumbed.

Hmmm, let’s see: “scrums,” “speculums,” and “succumbed.”  Milton?  A piker.  Byron?  A hack.  This guy knows how to write poetry.  I bet those dead English guys could never have come up with a stinging retort like calling Republicans “fetid nuts.”

I guess they didn’t call the show One More Term because the only words that rhyme with “term” are “germ,” “sperm,” and “squirm.”  Which, if you  think about it, could all be used in one sentence and still accurately reflect the current administration.

Honestly, I think Spanky, Darla, and Alfalfa did a better job when one of the Little Rascals said “Hey! Let’s put on a show!”

I cannot give this performance the review it deserves.  I leave that to Cousin Vinny:

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Chilling.

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

– Wiccapundit

That this is even being contemplated is beyond reason:

Bringing the War Back Home. “Full Spectrum Operations in the Homeland”: Getting the military to start preparing for the violent repression of its own citizenry. US Army “deep thinker” creates an “enemy” out of the Tea Parties & “extremist militias.” “Red Teaming” from an Ignorance-Inspired Faulty Premise.

This is not nutball tinfoil-hat speculation.  This is an article written by a retired colonel on staff at Ft. Leavenworth and a University of Kansas professor with her Ph.D. from Princeton.  The original article appears in the peer-reviewed and influential Small Wars Journal.

Read it.  All of it.

There are approximately 1.5 million active members of the military and about the same number of reserves.  It is estimated that less than 10% of those numbers are actual combat troops, with the remaining attributed to all support functions (cooks, administrative personnel, etc.).   Most of the combat-capable soldiers are currently deployed overseas around the world.  The authors have likely overestimated the numbers of soldiers who would willingly violate their oaths to protect and defend the Constitution in order to fire on their fellow citizens.

How many would have to be brought home to do the dirty work (while denuding our forces overseas in areas like Afghanistan)? How many would take up arms against their neighbors?

The number of privately-owned firearms in the U.S. is estimated at more than 270,000,000. Where do the authors think this is going to go and how do they think this would turn out?

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Hey Bloomberg! Sod off, you moron!

Tuesday, June 5th, 2012

– Wiccapundit

I’ve decide to finally weigh in on the absurd greater-than-16-ounce-sugary-drink-Scarlet Letter edict from Nanny Bloomberg in New York.

Hey New Yorkers!  You elected this knucklehead.  Three times.

Here’s the deal, Bloomie: if you ever get near the levers of national power in this country, you can try to pry my Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt (a bacon burger with two bacon-stuffed grilled cheese sandwiches as the bun – h/t Serious Eats) from my cold, dead hands.

Except, it won’t be in my hands per se, as each of my two hands will be holding a 64-ounce Super Big Gulp™ of Cherry Coke™.

I will, however, be happy to put them down in order to pummel some sense into that rat’s maze you call a brain.

James Lileks had it right: the Mandatory Betterment class “just doesn’t like fat people.”

 

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Punch drunk.

Sunday, March 18th, 2012

– Wiccapundit

I don’t know about you, but your Wiccapundit thinks that Jon Favreau, Obama’s chief speechwriter, is way overpaid at $172,200/year if he can’t come up with any better material than this:

“Punches above their weight.  Punches above their weight.  Punches above their weight.”

Seriously?  Couldn’t Obama (or whoever programs the TeleBinky) come up with some different sports analogies?  Like say, “Denmark is like a utility infielder that hits for power.”  Or, “Denmark knows how to post up to the top of the key and hit the trey from downtown.”   Or, “Denmark knows how to hit and roll past the hog line.”  (Er, obscure curling reference there.)

Notice how he still needs to refer to the TelePrompTer, even though his lines are not that hard to memorize.  Honestly, this guy is considered by the Left to be articulate?

Not hardly.

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